I need to be honest with you…

I need to be honest with you all…

Last night I spent over 5 hours trying to get a video tutorial ready for my channel. I turned on my laptop and was faced with problem after problem. My disk drive was full, iMovie wouldn’t load, the Video wouldn’t save…….you get the idea! My laptop was just generally being SLOW. After over 5 hours, I decided enough was enough and I shut down my laptop and left it until morning.

This morning I turned on my laptop and it seemed to turn on OK, it was going through a few processes which meant that it was responding well and I generally felt a little faster (although I STILL can’t get the video done!). Normally when I close my laptop down at the end of the day, I tend to just ‘log off’ rather than ‘shut down’, which I realise is not good for it. Clearly turning it off and giving it a break did it the world of good.

Are you still with me? I promise there is a reason for this story!

It got me thinking that my laptop was displaying similar behaviour as my brain. Trying to do too much, not completing a task and generally SLOW!

I’d say over the past year or so I’ve taken a few breaks in order to ‘log off’. I’ve been honest with you guys and told you I needed a little break to recharge the batteries BUT I don’t think in those times I’ve really taken that proper time away! I find it a little scary to really ‘shut down’! I’ve spent years building Bella Coco to what it is at the moment. I have an amazing bunch of followers who are so incredibly supportive and I have built a business around what I do which is a dream that most bloggers aim for! I realise how lucky I am to be in this position and I worry that if I ‘shut down’ it will all go away. Which I realise is so completely irrational! It’s a truth that I have made up in my own head.

So here’s what I am going to do. I’m going to face my fear and SHUT DOWN!

I have a crazy busy few weeks ahead and a lot of changes going on in my life. I’m going to share these with you as I like you to be kept in the loop so you know what’s going on in my life. I know that many of you are so very caring and it’s SO nice that you want to know that I’m ok.

  • It’s the end of year at college and I am busy trying to get students completed with their courses. It can be stressful in the fact that they have assessments left to complete and only a short amount of time to do it. The added pressure comes because I shall be finishing at the end of June. This means that I need to tie up any loose ends and complete a huge amount of paperwork so that I’m not leaving other colleagues to pick up my work.

Due to my classes finishing in June, the next classes would normally start in September, but that’s when my maternity will officially start so technically, I won’t be going back for a while! This also means that I shall be losing a little income for a few months over the summer. The income that I have been getting from the college has felt like a safety net, so it’s a little scary to know it won’t be there for a while.

  • As many of you may know, I have an online store which has become an offspring of my tutorials. I started the store with the vision that I could build it into a sustainable business to support me and my family. After all, blogging and YouTube is popular now, but who knows what the future will bring? My brother Adam has been helping a lot with the technical side of things and has been a rock over the last year and a half. He’s recently had a change in circumstances which means he can no longer help out with the store. I shall miss working with him, but am so happy and proud of him.

So now I have another safety net taken from me, I’m completely on my own with it. I have a lot of new processes that I need to learn and get my head around. I have to find a way to get these things into my routine so that the business has a smooth transition. I also want to continue to grow the store so that I can serve my customers in the way that they deserve as well as providing an income for my family.

  • Growing a baby! At currently 24 weeks pregnant, I’m well aware of the fact that our lives are going to change dramatically in a few months time. As someone who is self-employed, I know that ‘maternity leave’ is going to be a short one. After all, I need to keep things ticking over!

There are many aspects to what I do. Tutorials, Blog posts, Weekly Vlogs, Online store etc. A lot of these things require a huge amount of creative energy which I don’t have infinite amounts of! When my brain gets bogged down, that creativity gets suppressed and it makes my job much harder to do. Feeling the pressure of having to bring new content constantly really just makes me burn out even faster.

Phew, sorry for that little ramble. I get that these aren’t problems. I’m simply going through a period of change which is going to take me a little while to adjust. I feel I owe it to myself to take a step back and allow myself to go through it without adding additional pressure to myself.

Over the last few weeks and the upcoming few weeks, exciting things have happened! I’ve been invited to talk about my blog and YouTube on both BBC Radio Nottingham and NottsTV. I have an interview with ‘A League of Her Own’ to talk about being a woman in business. We’ve been working on the nursery and got the furniture up. We have our babymoon booked for the beginning of July which will be our last holiday as a twosome! All in all, exciting times.

So here’s what’s going to happen. There will be no blogs, vlogs or tutorials for at least a few weeks while I get everything that goes on behind the scenes put into place. I’m not going to put a timeframe on it (because that causes pressure in itself!!) but it will almost certainly be after our holiday. I love to share, so you will probably still see some posts on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter etc so make sure you are following me on there.

The store will run as normal. Thank you to everyone who has chosen to purchase their supplies from me. It really means so much. Take a look at what’s available at bellacocostore.com (cheeky plug! lol)

You guys deserve the best and I need to get back to my best!

Love you all! THANK YOU for always having my back.